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A very unwelcome surprise was waiting for me not two days later. Easter monday, a day of picnics, bunnies and pastel-coloured eggs.
Over breakfast I decided to download my emails using Steven's laptop and mum and dad's lousy dial-up connection.
This is the translation of an email sent by Elisa the same night of our bust-up:

Saturday 3rd April 2010, 3.23 am

Dear Marco,

I cannot believe that things got so out of hand between us tonight, it was very hurtful and very very sad.
Hurtful because after having been called a whore all my life, being called a whore from a friend has been the lowest of the lows.
Sad because I always thought we were friends, we have always been there for each other and gone through a lot of crap together, so I cannot understand why I shouldn't be honest and tell you what I think about your life choices.
I am also very saddened by the fact that you think that I am not happy for you, because in fact I AM. It's just that sometimes you can be happy for someone's happiness although you don't fully share or support their choices, as much as you can love someone and not admire his lifestyle. I don't know if this makes sense to you.
I always thought that being friends with someone means being free to be who you are and speak your mind without fear of reprisals, but I was wrong. Obviously for you we can be friends as long as I fit into your way of thinking and I don't present any challenges to your "perfect happiness".
I sincerely expected more from you. I don't give a damn about what Steven might or might not think about me, because he is a perfect stranger to me after all, but make no mistakes here: if the cause of tonight's argument is the fact that one of us has changed, make sure you realise that it's YOU!
I have nothing else to say, apart from wishing your son a happy life, surrounded by the love his parents will give him. He will never miss love, for sure, but he will always miss his mother and there is nothing neither you, nor Steven, nor anyone else can do to change this. You have shut me out because I have told you a truth you did not want to hear, this has made me in your eyes a bitch, but in my eyes has made you a coward and a hypocrite. Now, I have always been a bitch, so no surprise there, but what about you?

Take care,


I had to reply immediately, and I did, but I will translate my reply and publish it into the next post. I leave to you the verdict for now.



Mickey Blumental said...

Oh my. I'm not sure how I feel about posting personal e-mails on blogs, but I guess in this case an exception can be made since the bitch is so venomous.

I can't believe she's still banging on about the not-having-two-parents-of-both-sexes part when she's planning to have a baby alone without the (married) father even knowing.

"Obviously for you we can be friends as long as I fit into your way of thinking and I don't present any challenges to your "perfect happiness."

I can't believe she actually said that. Well, duh. You can't be friends with someone if you intend to challenge their happiness, "perfect" or not.

I hope you didn't spend too many calories responding to her. She's not worth it. I can only imagine how disappointed and hurt it made you... :-(

jon said...


We've experienced similar comments from some friends and family members. At some level I appreciate their honesty and knowing where they stand, so we don't have to pussy-foot around and maintain fake relationships. When she says "It's just that sometimes you can be happy for someone's happiness ... etc" - that's another way of saying "Hate the sin, love the sinner". Nothing like a good dose of Scripture to remind you of your hazardous lifestyle in her sanctimonioius eyes. It's pretty infantile actually because, given her lifestyle and moral lapses, she is in no position to judge you, or anyone else for that matter.

The comment about the mother was delivered in such a way as to hurt you as much as possible. She may be very jealous of you because you have become a parent by choice and planning and have a stable and loving partner (unlike her) to share the duties of raising a child. [Steven's outburst confirmed that to her] Your child is very much wanted, and will grow-up to be a normal, healthy, well-balanced and productive member of society and on the surface no one will ever be able to tell that he was raised by two men. She on the other hand, will technically become a mother by guile and duplicity, not good reasons to become a parent and she probably knows that, and knows that YOU know that too! Ironically, it is actually her child who will never really know a mother's genuine love. Instead, the child will probably have the barebones attention of a woman who will assume a callous caretaker role because having the child was a business decision on her part for self-preservation.

Mark said...

I know that some people around us think the same thing of us but as long as they keep their mouths shut, I'm fine with that. Poor Elisa, what a mess. Yes, she did intend to cause pain wrapped in an (You really hurt me) email. I can read between the lines too.
All you have to do is to continue your married life and watch as other marriages around you fall apart.
We were friends with some Big Time Bible Thumpers who added their digs in every once in a while. You know, little comments about Gays and gay parenting and such. They moved away about five years now. I just called them about 6 months ago to catch up with them. They are now divorced in two seperate houses driving their daughter back and forth several times a week. FYI, divorce is something that they told us was another major sin.
Your Friend, m.