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Can I say something exactly as I feel it? No, really ... Can I?

Fuck you!

I side with all those women who are biologically ‘faulty’. Either for a knotted up tuba, a womb in a permanent coma, or ovaries that do not give anything but scrambled eggs.

I side with all those women that are in fact second-class citizens because their bodies are refusing to perform normally, mind you, I speak of normality as perceived by the masses.

The same masses who see a woman achieve personal fulfillment only through motherhood and impose the heavy tax of shame on infertility.

As if all the other achievements in a woman's life do not count for shit. As if women were boringly mono-sided individuals designed exclusively to breed.

I side with all those women that don’t give a shit about the opinion of right-thinking folks and refuse to consider themselves as failures because they have not yet realized their dream of becoming mothers.

I side with all those women who aspire to be realized outside of the role of mothers. Although perhaps only because they have no choice.

Those women who, every time they see down the street or at the supermarket another woman pregnant, swallow their tears, but do not give up their quest.

Those women who have gone emotionally bankrupt because they cannot conceive traditionally.

Those women who bombard themselves with hormones and injections and tablets and paranoia to the point of destroying themselves and their relationships in the hope of giving birth to a son.

The women that know that this desperate search for motherhood is not the result of selfishness, but of a love so great and innate and all-consuming that needs to find land on which to blossom.

I understand the spirit that animates this search and I hate those who would like to make a disgrace out of it rather than a virtue.

I came to the conclusion that it is these flawed women that fully understand a parent like me and see me for who I am: a man, a human being, another faulty individual in the eyes of society, in my arrogance of wanting to be a caring and nurturing parent despite being born with a dick instead of a vagina.

And for all the others that are only good for complaining, for controversy, for pointing fingers, for saying how things should be, for suggesting that perhaps we should stop being so selfish and think of adoption, for hinting that perhaps some people are just not meant to become parents, or for declaring IVF a sin, and “you have to think about the child”, and “having children is not a right of anyone”, I say only one thing: keep your biological superiority-afforded arrogance, keep your stainless steel ovaries, your infallible sperms.

But what do you have beating in the middle of your chest?

Are you sure you aren’t the real faulty individuals?



Holly G said...

Oh my, this post almost made me cry. I LOVE that you wrote, "this desperate search for motherhood is not the result of selfishness, but of a love so great and innate and all-consuming that needs to find land on which to blossom." That is beyond beautiful. I struggled with infertility and (very thankfully) was able to conceive with hormone therapy. This resulted in the birth of my beautiful twins. And we now call our 3rd child our miracle baby because we conceived him without the hormone therapy - we were told we had <1% chance of this ever happening.

I am completely in agreement with you. Thank you so much for sharing this!

Sandra c'era una volta Ilaria said...

just to tell you: thank you from ITALY with all my soul.

thequeenofsoul said...

che se poi il nick dice qualcosa, io e te qualcosa in comune l'abbiamo.
volevo dirti, io "ricchione" lo dico davvero in allegria, avendo un ex fidanzato (amatissimo) che lo è, il suo fidanzato che mi adora, e un paio di suoi amici che volevano dei figli da me (come se fosse facile).
mi dispiace non essere riuscita a far capire fino in fondo quello che volevo dire: non diciamo che siamo sbagliate - qualunque sia il motivo - e forse soffriremo di meno.
forse se l'avessi detto così mi avreste capito...
hasta siempre

The Queen Father said...

Thank you all for your comments! Holly Ann, your success story is an inspiration to all the women out there and indeed all the families that are still searching....
The Queen Of Soul, ti ho scritto una email, spero tu l'abbia ricevuta!