- The Queen Father
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I have won your support.
Ok, before you accuse me of speaking like a beauty pageant queen (next I will be saying that my role model is Mother Theresa….), let me remind you what I am doing here… I am a gay dad that started writing this blog a bit because of my need to channel some creative energy after giving up paid work, and a bit because, maybe, I still need reassurance and approval of my choices. I know, I know…. I don’t care if it sounds pathetic, but it’s true. I am carrying inside a deeply rooted sense of insecurity, I guess I will never get rid of it. I have met some mean people in my life you know… So, when support comes from people I even don’t know, I can’t help but feel elated, happy, comforted. It’s my way of reaching out, and it’s the same for all the other gay parents blogging out there, I think. A way to say “Hey, we are here, this is what we are doing with our lives and it’s wonderful. Even better if you want to share it with us!”
As I write, I have clocked over 740 votes, I have received copious messages of encouragement and support from friends and from friends of friends.. Even from the friends of the friends of friends… So you see…. This is the biggest prize. I am being honest. I have received an email from Jake and Richard from Ontario, they made me smile with what they wrote:
"Your blog is so frothy and witty and fun that you make us feel like everything is alright and that you are looking at your future as a parent with optimism...” “… are you not scared of the difficulties that lie ahead? Your son’s first day at school? The time when his class will find out that he has two daddies?” They were not being sarcastic, simply they were asking me if perhaps I had detached myself from reality a little. But the answer is no. No way. I can’t afford the luxury of detachment.
I am well aware of all the challenges every gay parent will have to face, but I chose not to focus on the issue and dedicate a blog to it. That would have been a waste. First because narrow-minded people will always be around, even in the most accepting society and it’s way more productive to send out a positive message to all, rather than starting a battle to change the minds of the few. Second because we all know already what the obstacles in our lives as parents are and I believe that by discussing over and over again about them, I would only end up making them bigger than they actually are. In my head that is. I tend to be a little paranoid you see… We are a regular family, with regular issues and regular dynamics. We are not flying the flag of diversity because we feel we don't need to. We are just like everyone else. We don't do parades, we don't do LGBT Families Conventions. We are just another family. What makes us and breaks us are the same things that make and break any other family. We don't need to be handled with care, just with respect. The same respect we give to others. If you want to refer to us as "The gay family", then I will assume it's because you have been too lazy to find a more befitting adjective, like 'sweet', 'lovely' or 'nice'. Perhaps you don't know us well. I hope one day you will. No, I don’t think it’s denial, it’s “cautious optimism”. To look at life with optimism, to trust people and their innate goodness. To be able to enjoy that goodness. To gather it up as our strength and face difficulties knowing that we are not alone. Anyway, at least this is what I am wishing. When difficulties loom, our motto as a family is “We’ll cross that bridge when we’ll come to it…”. And I believe that we will have a lot of people around us, to help us with that crossing. The point is that we might not even ever get there. Maybe there wont be a bridge to cross for us. Perhaps we are already on the other side. Perhaps this is me still looking over to the 'other' side. The one that scarred me and made me just that little bit more insecure than the rest of you. I am very optimistic. Cautiously.
But I also know that no man is an island. We all need each other. We all need support, and I am glad to have yours. My I got heavy…..
See you all here next week, and thanks again, from the bottom of my rainbow-coloured heart.